In Soviet Russia, Moscow Visits You

In Soviet Russia, guide hires you.

We awoke this morning to a knock on the door. It was a man who opened our door (to where the inside latch stopped him) and told us it was our wakeup call.

Wake-up call? He knocked. At 8:20. For our 8am wakeup call... Great start to the day.

Brian and I stumbled through the morning routine, half asleep while we donned shirts and shoes and headed out the door. Brian went for breakfast to the free wi-fi Koфe Xayз (Coffee House) for some koфe, while I met my parents at the Traveler's Coffee place across the street from our hotel. I had a breakfast of burritos of chicken and peppers, while my parents had eggs. I ordered a hot chocolate too, and, well, it was amazing. Hot chocolate here is almost like what would happen if you took the richest chocolate pudding in the world and boiled it.

At 10:05 we met Katherine, our Kremlin guide that Slava had booked for us. Katherine is an old Russian woman with fantastic English language skills, and while she walked slowly, she did not speak that way. She was quite lively and ready to tell us everything (and she did).

We arrived at the Kremlin just before 11 after meandering our way down Tbepckaя, and entered through security and through the walls. Inside we found a city; built on 28 acres, the Kremlin was home to countless Czars, and currently houses the office of the President. Katherine didn't know if Medvedev was in the building at the time, but we walked right past his office. Unlike the White House, however, we could have touched the side of the building if we had wanted... no fence protecting it.

Among the more decorative pieces along the road were a gigantic cannon (at least 10 feet high), and a huge bell which, like our Liberty Bell in Philadelphia, had cracked. This bell had never rung because of the crack... it was also several dozen tons, and about 13 feet high and about 15 feet in diameter; I don't know how they would have hoisted it to the belltower to begin with.

We then found our way into three churches. The first was where Czars used to pray, the second where they were married, and the third where they were baptized. We weren't allowed to take pictures inside the churches, but my iPhone came in handy for some undercover work. We also saw where Ivan the Terrible was buried, where his son was buried (who was later canonized) and several other Czars.

At half past noon we entered the armory, which houses many great Russian artifacts. Highlights include ornate carriages that Czars, their wives, and their children rode in, clothes for Peter the Great, Katherine the Great, and others, weaponry of the past, ornate silverware, horse dressings and, most impressively, 9 of the 14 (i think) remaining faberge eggs in the world, and all of the ones that Russia owns still.



As I walked through the armory, it occurred to me that nothing in this country is translated into English. Even in museums, most signs are solely in Russian. At first I thought critically of this idea, but then I realized that I can remember the last time I walked into any American restaurant and gotten a dual-language menu. It's about time that a country realize it doesn't need to cater to perceived American superiority - and it's not surprise that country is Russia.

As a side-note, Katherine mentioned to us that since the collapse of the CCCP (USSR), life expectancy has gone down, depression of citizens has gone up (an estimated 20L of vodka is consumed by each person each year on average; 740,000,000 gallons), and food and medical supplies have raised in cost. Male life expectancy is now 57, not 62, and women expect to live 62 years, not 65. But there are far more freedoms now, too. A free(er) press, a voice in government, and looser restrictions on travel and trade are just some. I would rather live for shorter and be free than live longer under the CCCP.

We got out of the Kremlin at 2:30. By 3:30 we were still wandering the streets, looking for a restaurant. The Georgian place that Katherine suggested to us was closed, so we were lost for a while. But at 4 we stumbled upon a very local cafeteria, called My-My (pronounced Moo-Moo, as in a cow). We went down the service line like everyone else, getting food dumped on our plates and paying at the end of the line. A full meal for 300pyb (300 Rubels, $10). Not cheap, but certainly not expensive.

We had a brief siesta back at the hotel and at 6pm met downstairs to go to the Bolshoi.

Bolshoi is the best ballet company in the Russian Federation, and one of the best in the entirety of the world. Tonight's show was Sleeping Beauty. We arrived at the ticket office at the Teatp (Theatre) metro stop at 6:40 for a 7pm curtai and picked up the tickets we had bought online.

Attempting to get into the adjacent building, however, we were stopped and rejected, being told we were to go to the Kremlin Theatre (the one we had been told was closed for renovations). It was "one stop" away.

One stop later, we realized we were on the wrong subway line.

One stop after that, we were back where we started, and a stop after that we were, once again, at the entrance to the Kremlin.

Wandering to the front of the Kremlin, we asked the guard where to go. He pointed inside. So we went back into the Kremlin, again (why did we leave, again?).

We got into the theatre at 7:30 and only missed a few numbers. Sleeping Beauty had not yet fallen asleep, so all was well with the world. I, however, did fall asleep, not because the ballet was boring - I could actually follow the story, the music was amazing and the dancing fun to watch - but because I was jetlagged, exhausted, in a dark theatre, with a world-class orchestra playing classical music, and I couldn't help myself. The most expensive - and most wonderful - nap I've ever taken.

During a brief break from the show, I found myself in the bathroom, for obvious reasons. I must say, having frequented broadway theaters that boast maybe a 10 person capacity at a time, I was in awe of the efficiency of these bathrooms. 29 stalls and 18 urinals. Assuming an average bathroom usage time of a minute, if 500 men rushed the bathroom at the same time, the whole ordeal would be sorted out in just over 9.5 minutes...

Though we were 30 min late for curtain, we watched 2.5 hours of ballet, and left the Kremlin at 10:30.

Taking the right set of Subways this time, and finding a stop on the metro closer to our hotel, we went back to spend our last night at the Marriott Grand.

After writing this post, I got to bed around 3am.

Ps. Anyone want a Crapdog?